TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize