I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
