Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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