I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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