I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize