Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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