Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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