dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize