he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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