Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
