i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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