I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Damn victory sex feels great
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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