i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
