We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
