mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
