my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
