pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
