If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I love having hate sex.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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