I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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