Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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