i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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