I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
