Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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