He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
