This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
