her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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