This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
