I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
