Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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