So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
