all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
