Cold hands, warm shart.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
