Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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