I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
