is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
