My hair reeks of homosexuality.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
third nipple confirmed
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
