the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize