Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
