I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
