He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
