It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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