Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
