is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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