I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
