my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
