i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
