I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
