your parents love me but you hate me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
