Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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