that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
