I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
