after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
