Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
