Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize