Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
