dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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