Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
