When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
