Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
