He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
