i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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