would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
