i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
