His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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