and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
