my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
