Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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