Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
4 words: hood of his car
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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