She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
