I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
