I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
