not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
