walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
