i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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