you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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