So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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