I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
