Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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