I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
