Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
