he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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