i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
