You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
