so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
