I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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