i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
