I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
