your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize