I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
