I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He? As in you personified your dick?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
