Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
