If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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