This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
