I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
