Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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