If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
