the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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