does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
