may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
