before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
