theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
