pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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