Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
