My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
im holly from the hills drunk
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
